May 02, 2006

Prayer of Faith or Fear?

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Wednesday Night (5/3) 10 pm news on the CBS News Affiliate KTAB watch for Jack's story as part of the Medical Miracles series during the month of May
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This is the conversation that has been going on in my head for the last 9 months.
Picture me praying, wherever I am at the time, at church, at home, in my car, sitting next to Jack at chemo, in a doctors office, next to the MRI machine with Jack inside.....

Good Angel - Bad Angel Dialogue

Good Angel - played by the Holy Spirit
Bad Angel - played by the Devil

Good Angel - Pray!
Bad Angel - Don't waste your time!
Good Angel - God says to bring all your concerns to Him in prayer...
Bad Angel - You can pray about it, but nothing will change...God has already decided.
Good Angel - God loves you, pray to Him, God loves Jack more than you do, God says to keep praying.
Bad Angel - Didn't you hear what I just said...praying specifically for Jack to be healed is a waste of time, you are going to set yourself up for a big fall if you pray for something that does not happen. Just pray a prayer that wont get your feelings engaged. Don't hope for something that might not happen. Your heart can't take being broken into a million pieces, so keep your expectations low. Don't trust God with your heart in prayer.
Good Angel - Keep trusting God, ask for God to bless your family, ask God to give Jack complete health, pray bold words, pray for God to transform your heart and lay your feelings bare and open your tender heart to God.
Bad Angel - The last time you did that, Jack's tumors grew, he has to have that poison pumped into his veins every week, you know God could have prevented that...your prayers don't matter, a bunch of other people are praying for Jack to be healed you don't need to pray, the Holy Spirit interceeds your prayers - so it really doesn't matter what words you use.



Tammy's Prayer of Fear
Then this is the prayer that I have uttered hundreds of times since I started listening to the bad angel....Father God, thank you for the blessings of each day. Thank you for my family, thank you for Jesus.....Father I pray Your will be done in our lives, if it is Your will that Jack is healed Your will be done, please give our family what we need to have your glory be seen in our lives through it all.....
In Jesus name,
Amen

Is that a bad prayer? I would say no, if it wasn't prayed by someone who was afraid to ask for more, or afraid to put her feelings into God's hands.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer
and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."
Philippians 4:6

For much of the last year I have been very confused in prayer. I have let satan wedge his way in through a door that was just cracked enough because of my fear. That hateful, evil roaring lion who roams around waiting for an opportune time to pounce can spread seeds of doubt and fear to take over a heart who claims the Lord as their King.

Micah 7:8 says
Do not gloat over me, my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise, though I sit in darkness the Lord will be my light.

So for months I have been called by the Holy Spirit to not let fear of what might happen in the future with Jack affect my trust in God. God has called me to a prayer life that is unlike anything I know right now. I only can utter the same words that were said by the disciples, Lord, teach me to pray. (Luke 11:1)

From: "The Celebrations of Discipline," by Richard Foster
In our efforts to pray it is easy for us to be defeated right at the outset because we have been taught that everything in the universe is already set, and so things cannot be changed. And if things cannot be changed, why pray? We may gloomily feel this way, but the Bible does not teach that. The Bible pray-ers prayed as if their prayers could and would make an objective difference. The apostle Paul gladly announces that we are "co-laborers with God"; that is, we are working with God to determine the outcome of events (1 Cor. 3:9) It is stoicism that demands a closed universe not the Bible.

From: "With Christ In The School Of Prayer," by Andrew Murray
May a deep sense of my ignorance, of the wonderful privilege and power of prayer, of the need of the Holy Spirit as the Spirit of prayer lead me to cast away my thoughts of what I think I know and make me kneel before Thee in true teachableness and poverty of spirit. And fill me, Lord, with the confidence that with such a teacher as Thou art I shall learn to pray......And when I may not know, Thou wilt teach me to be strong in faith, giving glory to God....Amen.

I am confidant that upon my confession of allowing fear to guide my prayer life that God will through His grace and mercy, teach me to pray, through the power of His Holy Spirit, the example of Jesus' prayers in the Bible, and also the gifted writers like Mr. Foster and Mr. Murray.

Be bold in your prayers for Jack and for me too.
Tammy

13 comments:

Sarah said...

Praying Psalm 60:12 for you -- that God grant you the victory and trample down the enemy of fear and doubt for you! I wish so desperately that I could walk this road for you and take the burden from you, but I know that the Lord hands each of us what He hands us, and it is ours to walk with Him carrying us all the way. Your transparency in your wrestling with your faith is a blessing to all of us. Thank you for sharing -- and thank you for praying BOLDLY!!!

Denise W. said...

Bold words - that's what we're all praying. I pray for God's glory to be seen and thank Him that it always is. Praise God for your confession of faith. Love ya sista

Julie Adams said...

I feel your words!!! Oftentimes I listen to the bad angel and I think the ceiling is reflecting my prayers back upon me. I get so angry at God because I never think He hears me. Then I wonder, if he doesn't hear me, then why do things suddenly "get better" or "change?" It is such a daily struggle with me. When I lost my mother I think a part of me turned my back to God because I was only nineteen and now five years later I look back and realize why that just had to happen at that time. I will tell you that there was a point when my Grandaddy Don was dying of cancer (he had the 41st case of heart cancer in the United States!!!) I was only ten but I remember my mother saying her prayers changed from healing to just doing God's will. So I do understand that perspective, too. Jack has already truly conquered this in a sense, of course the road is still long, but his counts continually are good and he never falls down in his heart. Never let doubt creep in your heart because though we feel it might set us up for failure, it truly only wounds the spirit.

I hope you told everyone to watch Jack's story tomorrow night. I saw the promo for it tonight at 10... I also put it on my resume tape to send to news directors because I am very proud of it.... all thanks to the Marcelain clan!!!

Anonymous said...

Abraham talked to God asking him and lowering the number repeatedly trying to save Sodom and Gomorrah. God allowed Abraham to ask and he granted him his request. Also Luke 18 is about not giving up in prayer and to be persistent. It is a lesson we all need to remember. I love you.

Becky and family

LiteratureLover said...

Wow. This is my first time on your blog and this post was simply beautiful because of your honesty and transparency. I cannot imagine what you are going through with Jack but I do understand the struggle with prayer for healing or otherwise.

Praying boldly. Thank you for sharing your heart.

jessica said...

I love your honesty in this. I am praying for your strength... and Jack's full recovery.

The news story was great!

M & K Gililland said...
This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.
M & K Gililland said...

We are encouraged by your words. I praise the Lord for the witness you and Rob (and family) have been to everyone around. You have encouraged us all by holding close to the Lord during the past year - not once letting go of His hand. Through your prayers, honesty, faith, boldness, and steadfastness - you have spoken to us all. We will continue to lift you all up with prayer (and hugs).

We Praise God for His infinite grace and mercy and for His healing touch that has been so evident. Thank you, Lord, for the way you walk with us... and even carry us when we can't walk on our own.

Anne Jones said...

Praying for you... your honesty in this is such an encouragement to me. Pryer is definitely a struggle for me also. Thank you for your words.

Amber Joy said...

Tammy, you're a rock.
You guys looked so good on the news last night!

Roxanne said...

Tammy,

Your words spoke straight to my heart and convicted me to be more diligent and bold in prayer. Thank you for sharing this struggle. It is a struggle that I have as well, and God has used your words powerfully.

Roxanne

Anonymous said...

Tammy,
I appreciate all your blog entries-- not only to get Jack's and your family's news, but for the spiritual encouragement. Especially meaningful for me were the entries about prayer-- and an even better kind of prayer-- and about surrounding yourself with especially meaningful scriptures, being guided by them. I expect that I will return to that one again and again, because I need that.

Love, Gay

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________________________
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“All my music is free for download.”