August 01, 2007

A Girl After God's Heart

Wednesday morning. Today is the big day. We go to the Air Force Base this afternoon for Jack's Pilot for a Day. We are all so excited. I can't wait.
I went to a photography seminar on Monday in Dallas. It was so much fun and I learned alot. The presenters had a sense of humor and kept it interesting.
Yesterday we got some pool time in before our daily thunderstorms fell out of the sky. Here it is August 1st, the grass is green, the flowers in bloom. This is not typical West Texas weather. Abilene...the new Seattle.
God has blessed me through my bible study these last several days. I am so in love with God's word. Why, if I am not in an organized study, do I allow myself to put off my study until "later"? Everytime I seek God in scripture and His will for me, with an open heart and a thirst for Him, I am blessed. I opened my bible up to Psalm 141, 142 and 143 on Sunday night. That is what I have been reading and re-reading. God is provisional. Thank you God.
Jack has been doing well this week. Yesterday he said, "Mommy, do you want to see me run? I have been practicing and I didn't even fall." He ran down the hallway and back and had a big crooked smile when he gave me a high five. I always said that when Jack started walking he had two speeds, run and sleep. I am so proud of him. He is just as stubborn now as he was then, he is stubborn with independance. He likes to do things on his own. I didn't cry on the outside when he showed me his run, but my throat welled up and I choked back tears. It would have ruined the moment for Jack if I would have gotten all sappy on him.
This is why I need to be in God's word and always searching for God's will for myself. Part of me wanted to cry and get angry to God about the situation, "Why is my boy having to practice running? Something he mastered 6 years ago?" I hate this brain tumor, it has invaded our lives as intently as it has invaded Jack's brain stem.
The other half, was thanking God for the heart of my son, thanking God for the strength and love, remembering the blessings and all the good that has come from Jack's illness. Remembering that God is in control and He will use (and has used in mighty ways) Jack's illness for good. I don't blame God for Jack's illness. We live in a fallen world, bad things happen to good people, and it is through those times that good people get to show their awesome God and what it looks like to journey through a tough time with God's comfort, strength and peace. God is so mighty. He can be seen best in dark times, He shines like a beacon.
This is why I need God's word everyday. Because everyday I make a choice as to how I will react to the dozens of moments like the one above. Am I grateful? Am I thankful? Am I honoring God with my mind and thoughts? Or not. Left on my own I would fail miserably to the task God has set before me, with God's help I can choose to glorify Him. I am after God's heart after all.
Some will say, rage on! Job did it. Job yelled at God. And then he made peace. I love to read David's laments. He laments to God, but he praises and glorifies Him in each psalm too. David was hiding in a cave, hiding from men that wanted to kill him, depressed and afraid. David was frightened out of His wits, but He was never alone, He always cried out to God with words that fill my heart. He worshipped through his fear, he begged and pleaded, but he honored more than anything else. He honored his Creator, his Comfortor, his Providor. And God loved him for it, in such a way that God calls David a man after His own heart. I want to make God smile.

1 comments:

Anonymous said...

All I can say is AMEN, and to God be the glory forever.

With continued prayers,

Sharon Winkler