The Quiet Has Changed Me.

"When the mind comes into its own stillness and enters the silent land, the sense of separation goes."Martin Laird from Into The Silent Land, A Guide to the Christian Practice of Contemplation.

I started a new book last night, Into the Silent Land.

Have you ever felt that you have been alone and God is not present? I can look back in these times of my life and know that I did all the things that I knew to do to bring back the feeling of connection on my part. The broken connection was just that, it was a feeling, that dwelt within me. But, it wasn't truth. It was a lie. God was always present within me. I just didn't feel it. Feelings are pretty dicey. We can do great things, we can do hurtful things all because of feelings. They don't always tell us the truth, and they can entice us from what is Good and Beautiful, to what feels good but will bring ruin.

Through my readings and practices, what has been so evasive or maybe just not complete, is starting to break through the fog of unknown.

God you have heard me say...
Where are you God? I am reading, serving, singing, running after You. I am so empty because I know you are there, but I can't feel you.

And where was God. He is everywhere, but more personally, He was and is in me. In all the seeking I have done at times of dryness, if I would have just stopped, been jealous for the silence and aloneness to commune with You, God. Thirty minutes a day has transformed me. Me, God, quiet. My breath is what I hear. Nothing miraculous that I can see or feel, but the miracle is what is silent within me and transforming. Devotion to my quiet time with God has lifted me to Him where He is my well-spring. His glory pours forth to my soul.

It is no wonder that so many seek, but feel they cannot find. The life of screens has taken our down time and ushered us into drowning out the voice of God that lives within us. The life of busyness, that we are addicted to, and embarrassed if we do not participate in, is turning many into empty tombs.

Father, forgive me for my busyness. I am thankful that You are so present in my silence. Within me is You. And I need you so badly. I am grateful for Your love.




Winter Snow
But You came like a winter snow, yes, You did
You were quiet, You were soft and slow
Falling from the sky in the night
To the earth below

Ooh no, Your voice wasn't in a bush burning
No, Your voice wasn't in a rushing wind
It was still, it was small, it was hidden

Oh, You came like a winter snow
Quiet and soft and slow
Falling from the sky in the night
To the earth below

Falling, oh yeah, to the earth below
You came falling from the sky in the night
To the earth below

May I Never Look Away and Forget.

Consider it pure joy, my brothers and sisters, whenever you face trials of many kinds, because you know that the testing of your faith produces perseverance. Let perseverance finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything. If any of you lacks wisdom, you should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to you. But when you ask, you must believe and not doubt, because the one who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind. That person should not expect to receive anything from the Lord. Such a person is double-minded and unstable in all they do.

James 1

I have been in the book of James for weeks now while working through our women's bible study on James, called Mercy Triumphs by Beth Moore. James is a special book to me for many reasons. First and foremost it was the book that 20 years ago ushered me into clarity on what a Christian is supposed to do and act like. Many will say that James focus' more on works than faith, but I see works being the overflow of faith. They work together as good friends not as adversaries. Sometimes as Christians we don't want to do the hard thing. Sometimes we know God's word, maybe even we know the words like the lines on our hands. But they are not written on our hearts.

Starting in James 1:19...

My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, because human anger does not produce the righteousness that God desires. Therefore, get rid of all moral filth and the evil that is so prevalent and humbly accept the word planted in you, which can save you.

Do not merely listen to the word, and so deceive yourselves. Do what it says. Anyone who listens to the word but does not do what it says is like someone who looks at his face in a mirror and, after looking at himself, goes away and immediately forgets what he looks like. But whoever looks intently into the perfect law that gives freedom, and continues in it—not forgetting what they have heard, but doing it—they will be blessed in what they do.

Those who consider themselves religious and yet do not keep a tight rein on their tongues deceive themselves, and their religion is worthless. Religion that God our Father accepts as pure and faultless is this: to look after orphans and widows in their distress and to keep oneself from being polluted by the world.

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There are times within our walk with Christ that we are at a fork in the road, a couple of paths ahead to choose from. One leads to destruction, but might feel good for a while. The other leads to Love. True love from God above. Love that will fill our hearts with the fruit of the Spirit...God's love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness and self-control.

I have written on my blog over the last many years of my pursuit of God and Him calling me deeper. And I have written about how I am inspired by the great men and women of faith who have walked the earth with us, or gone on before, those people who are tangible representations of God's love. Those people have helped me see that great faith in God is possible. They would be the first to say that they were nothing special, only broken people who recognized their overwhelming need for God to be in their lives. They were willing to sacrifice pride, possessions, personal glory and time, to name a few, to humble themselves to the path that God would call them to. These people were not special in that they were people born of great faith, they were people who simply responded to God's call and made some difficult sacrifices along the way. As the scripture says above, they allowed perseverance to run its full course in order for it to do it's work and refine them into maturity.

My greatest desire is to allow perseverance to finish it's course in me. I will be giving perseverance reign in me until the day that Jesus calls me home, and it will be that day that I have been made complete in Christ. Until then, I want to not be like the man who forgets his own face in the mirror, I want to be someone who lives the love I have been so mercifully and undeservedly given by the Creator of the Universe, otherwise known as Abba Father.
Thanks be to God for the influences of Christ. May I never look away and forget.

He is the Steady Light

"The 'bright shoots of everlastingness' can become a steady light within, if we are deadly in earnest in our dedication to the Light, and are willing to pass out of the first stages into maturer religious living."
Quote from Thomas Kelly, A Testament of Devotion.

This last year for me I have committed myself to enter the words from above...willing to pass out of the first stages into maturer religious living. I can't really explain or put into clear words the calling and promptings from God that were within me, and still are, in pursuing a deeper life with Him.

It has been 20 years in my journey with Christ since I quit running. 20 years since I asked Him to save me. 20 years since I told Him I would follow Him to the edges of the earth if He would forgive me. Each step with God has been fulfilling, none condemning, all bringing life and helping me find my way closer to Him. Some of those years in the last 20 have been easy, some beyond difficult, but each served God's purpose of refining my faith and calling me into closer communion with Him.

It has been 10 years or more that I have been a part of in depth Bible study, mostly Beth Moore, but some other names thrown in there too. These Bible studies opened up the world of scripture to me, opened up the days of Christ, the call of the disciples, the great commission after Jesus took that last stand in the sky and headed up to Heaven. It has been in the words of scripture that I have found anticipation for the day I am called Home, or the day that I see Jesus descend from the heavens.

There is always more to learn, each day the Living Word will reveal something we might have not noticed before. Thanks be to the Holy Spirit that brings God's gifts in the word into our hearts and minds. But within me there was a gnawing question, am I running on my power, the fruit of the Spirit - love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, gentleness and self-control, are they growing, and are they more steady as the quote above says?

I felt as though rather than flying on wings of eagles I was running in circles. Scripture is full of God's promise that His power is in us, He transforms, He call us to Him. I felt a conviction that there was too much of me still in me, and I needed to be in deeper communion with God and allow Him full access to do the work.

Enter the practice of spiritual disciplines. I wanted to be intentional and keep on the front burner that my life was now at God's beck and call, I was here and I was listening. In order to make myself commit to do this I enrolled in Lipscomb's Institute of Christianity Growing Deeper Spirituality program. I knew that if I was required to do spiritual reading, report to a mentor, attend a couple of residencies, that I would pursue God in the midst of busyness. Had I not been accountable I would have let other more urgent but less important tasks to get in my way of pursuing a deeper communion with God. Status quo I had mastered, I wanted to step out farther into the deep Water of Life.

It is impossible for me to explain what this year has meant, I wish I had words. The moment I try and label what a blessing this last year has been it will become less than it was in my explanation. But what is easily spoken of is, this year has given me the regular practicing of God's presence within me. It has allowed me to find the importance and necessity to open up regular quiet times when it is only God and I.

Henri Nouwen writes in The Way of the Heart,.. it is in silence and solitude that transformation happens. I believed that statement the moment I read it, it made sense, if it is silence and solitude where God gets us just to Him, where our gaze is that of an adoring child, our heart is then softer and more still for Him to work within us. And isn't it also clear that it is the Evil One's greatest tool of busyness and noise in our lives that keeps the silence and solitude with God at bay, often times. The transformation is easy for us, we just have to show up. The difficult part is to take a stand within our own lives and require of ourselves to be quiet and lift our eyes to Him.

There is no magic in spiritual disciplines, they are the tools that God has given us to put on the brakes in our lives, to quiet the noise, and to sit in adoration of the Great and Loving God who created us in our mother's womb. Thanks be to God.

Be still and know that I am God. Psalm 46:10

Merry Christmas from the Marcelain's

I left the images a bit larger than normal so you can click on the image to see it larger if you wish. Merry Christmas!!

Christmas Party Recipe's

Below is a collection of some amazingly delicious recipes of Tapas/Appetizers/Desserts that were served at a fun Class Christmas Party. The list is not complete, I will continue to add to this post as people email me their recipes. Enjoy the recipes.

Coconut Bon Bons

1 package coconut
1 can eagle brand milk
2 bags of semi sweet chocolate bits
1 cup chopped pecans
1/4 bar of parrafin.

Mix together coconut, eagle brand milk and pecans. Put in fridge for at least 3 hours. Rolls mixture into small bite size pieces. Melt chocolate chips with the parrafin. (Parrafin helps the candy get a hard crunch on the outside instead of being gooey) (It also makes them shiny-and it doesn't hurt you-I promise!)

Dip coconut balls into chocolate mixture and place on waxed papered cookie sheet. Set in fridge for about 30 minutes. I keep mine in the fridge after making them.

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Raspberry Chipolte Cream Cheese

Two packages of cream cheese
1 bottle of Raspberry Chipolte Sauce (I find it near the barbeque sauces) Pour over cream cheese and serve with a variety of crackers.

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The Jalapeno Chicken Crescent Pinwheels came from this site:
Click here for the Pinwheels

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Chili Sauce Meatballs
Frozen Meatballs, I like Sam's Club
2 jars of Chili Sauce, You can find it by the ketchup
16 oz jar of grape jelly

Crockpot Method:
Place frozen meatballs in crockpot. Pour chili sauce and grape jelly on top. Cover and cook on low for 6 hours. I cooked on high for 90 minutes then turned the temp. down to low for 3 hours or so. The meatballs are already cooked when you buy them from Sam's so they just need to defrost and cook with the sauce.

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Mini Caramel Tarts

Ingredients.
Mini-Phillo Tart Shells, available by the frozen pie crusts in the freezer section. These are already cooked. Just remove from the freezer when ready to use.

1 can Eagle Brand Condensed Milk

Whipping Cream

Instructions.
Remove label but do not open Eagle Brand. Fill are large saucepan with water. Lay the Eagle Brand can on it's side in the water. Boil for 4 hours, continuing to add water, I normally boil on just above medium heat. Roll the can to different sides 3 or 4 times while boiling to keep one side from scalding. YOU MUST KEEP YOUR SAUCEPAN FILLED WITH ATLEAST ONE INCH OF WATER OVER THE TOP OF THE CAN OR THE CAN WILL EXPLODE. Eagle Brand does not recommend this method of cooking Eagle Brand, but my mom cooked it this way growing up and I have cooked with this method many times, and have had no explosions. But I always make sure the saucepan is filled adequately with water.

Remove can and let cool on your kitchen counter for about two hours. Open lid and spoon caramel into Phillo tartlet shells. When ready to serve dab some whipped cream on top.

He is like a winter snow,...soft, quiet and slow.

Today, I can take a deep breath. My finals for the semester are done and I don't need to study for an exam for atleast a month. Praising God for some respit.

What I have waited all week to do for lack of time, is to process my thoughts about my silent retreat last weekend. As I have mentioned here before, I am enrolled in a program through Lipscomb called Growing Deeper Spiritually. It is a lay program, not an academic program. One of the assignments before our last residency in January was to participate in a 48 hour silent retreat. I struggled to find a place to leave town for 48 hours between school, photography, and family. God presented me one weekend once I got close enough to see that I could get away, so 2 weeks ago I reserved my weekend with the Cenacle Sisters in Houston. It was a beautiful facility and came highly recommended.

I have to admit that I came with some expectations of hearing God in the peace. My world has been busy and noisy this semester. I believe that there are seasons that life is busy. I also know that there is light at the end of the tunnel and even though God doesn't want me (I am not going to include anyone else in this statement, apply yourself if you want, though), to live my live without margins, He also doesn't want me to idolize the peace over Him, even in the busyness. It has been a struggle, but I have found Him in each day, within purposeful breaths, in His Word, through my prayers. I was reminded in my latest reading, The Good and Beautiful God, the words of Dallas Willard, "Ruthlessly Eliminate Hurry," however, Smith, the author, talked about busyness and hurriedness as two different things. I appreciated the reminder, and was also reminded that there are places of quietness and silence I can find in each day, even if it is busy. Anyway, I think my task this semester was to not let hurry take over, and to have a heart open to God in all circumstances, it was difficult, but God's mercy and grace showed up and found me, I just needed to surrender.

So this past weekend it was me and God in the quiet, in the beauty. After arrival, instructions and a tour of the facility by one of the Sisters I was silent. I was asked if I wanted to visit with a Sister for Spiritual Direction while I was there, and I did. During our first meeting she gave me some scriptures to ponder and read several times after asking me questions about what I had expected while I was there, which was nothing, but being with God.
One of the scriptures came from John 1.

35 The next day John again was standing with two of his disciples, 36and as he watched Jesus walk by, he exclaimed, ‘Look, here is the Lamb of God!’ 37The two disciples heard him say this, and they followed Jesus. 38When Jesus turned and saw them following, he said to them, ‘What are you looking for?’ They said to him, ‘Rabbi’ (which translated means Teacher), ‘where are you staying?’ 39He said to them, ‘Come and see.’ They came and saw where he was staying, and they remained with him that day. It was about four o’clock in the afternoon. 40One of the two who heard John speak and followed him was Andrew, Simon Peter’s brother. 41He first found his brother Simon and said to him, ‘We have found the Messiah’ (which is translated Anointed*).

So like the disciples, I just spent time with Jesus.

It seems the older I get I realize that it is the out of doors speaks to me immensely of God's love and provision for His beloved. The words I heard and the love that I received this weekend were greatly through God's creation. I did feel lonely at times. Sometimes being alone in a crowd is more lonely than being completely alone. I told Rob it was the best of times and the worst of times. There were events that were happening this weekend that I sacrificed to be with God in silence.

Best of times: Sat. a.m. 11:30
"I have felt your presence in all. My long dawdling walks on the path full of bridges and grand foliage filled my morning. Oh, to have a walk with You each day that has such beauty to see. I am thankful for this Cenacle of beauty. In everything I see Your fingerprints."

Worst of times: Sun. p.m. 6:40
"Father, it is even more quiet and dare I say lonely on this Sunday night. You are with me, I know, but the house has cleared of most of those on retreat. As far as I can tell it is I and one more...My day was full of silence and peace mixed with restlessness to be home and with my family. YOU oh, Lord, are the only call I would answer to take leave at such a time of year. It is my duty to fulfill my silence for ICS, however, it was even more my desire to be led by You in 2 days of me at your beck and call. I am here Lord."

There was an art corner that I spent time doodling and painting. There was a book in the art corner that was like an open journal, I spent time reading thoughts that others left behind about their experiences, their healing hearts, their gratefulness, along with their drawings and paintings.

I told a friend today that asked me about the silence that it seems that there are no great loud revelations for me in the times of silence. However, I do feel loved, and I feel like God is present. For me, it is the time after the retreat ends that I feel a stronger resolve of love and devotion to God. It is in the residual of what is left over that I find where God has left His mark on my heart from our devoted time together. The fire inside of me burns more steadily for God as it has been tended to with great care and a dedicated seeking heart, without distraction.

Of course I took pictures of the blessings of God within my weekend. Pretty things. The first couple of pictures is where I did my morning Bible study. In a remote part of the Cenacle overlooking a ravene. The other images come from my walks around the grounds, and on the walking path that is right behind their property. You will see a hidden gate that one can go through to enter the public walking park, where you will see the bridges and large fields. It was a beautiful time of year, still color to be seen in the leaves. There are 2 pictures of the dorm style room, and then the slideshow finishes with the Stations of Light. Many are familiar with the Stations of the Cross, leading up to Christ's death. In the 1990's it was discovered that early Christians also prayed through the Stations of Light, the events that take place between the Resurrection and when Jesus goes back to Heaven, the 40 days. You will see my hand in one of the pictures. The moment that Christ reveals Himself to Mary Magdalene. My favorite story in the Bible.

There is a song that I listened to over and over on my way to the Cenacle and on my way home. The words fit my time with God perfectly. He is like a winter snow, quiet, soft and slow. May the words in this song and the places where my feet stepped and my eyes gazed bring a blessing and a reminder that God loves you and I. He is in the silence.

Click here for the slideshow
The music is by Audrey Assad, the song is on Chris Tomlin's Christmas Album.

Hello, It's December....Is that me running by?

The blur of life...enjoying each and every moment along the way.
I see the last time I have posted was in October, now it is December. We have been busy, but most of all my brain has been full of books and studying for school. One more week and my semester will be over, less finals week. I can feel some space opening up for writing and creativity.

So much I want to write, so I am going to do a twitter version of events.

November was a lot of fun. Had a great time spending Thanksgiving with family in town. Have also loved the recipes and creativeness of Pinterest, made several holiday recipes from my Pinterest boards. Love Pinterest, if you are a fan of recipes, crafts, art, fashion, words, architecture, pictures of faraway places...then you would probably like Pinterest.com.

My brother, Rob and his family, along with my brother, Will and his fiance, came to visit over Thanksgiving. It was SO fun. Rob rented an RV and they drove down here together. It was a long trip for them, made a little easier because they all had space to hang out, while my brother Rob drove their house for the holidays.
We had fun with the idea of the RV being their house. Like...let me just run home and change, or I left my hat at home can you bring it when you come to meet us, I want to go to Buffalo Wild Wings and watch the game...but I want to go home and go to sleep...with an RV, both are possible at the same time. We had a blast.

School...have loved all my classes, all have been challenging and have learned a lot. My Art class has been my most fun, I just can't get enough of looking at all the old Masters and hearing stories of their personalities, quirks, devotions...really a wonderful class.

Growing Deeper Spiritually - I am finishing up my program here in about 6 weeks by visiting Nashville again for our last residency. One of the requirements is to undertake a 48 hour silent retreat. I had such a difficult time scheduling this retreat. Not a lot of flexibility in my schedule for many reasons. But, my finals schedule was heavy on the last part of the week, so I made the commitment to participate in the silent retreat next weekend. I am going to go to the Cenacle House outside of Houston. It sounds marvelous and comes highly recommended. I can't wait, I know it will be wonderful. However, to know that I will be in silence with the only dialogue, for the most part, happening between me and God is also a bit intimidating. I would appreciate any prayers lifted on my behalf for a safe journey and for God's work to be done in me. I will have spiritual direction and guidance through my silence by one of the Sisters there who is a Spiritual Director. I am prayerful for a blessed weekend. As my leaders in this program say, don't go into something like this with high expectations to hear God speak or bring you a word, just be glad to have the time in God's presence. God will do what God will do, I am just glad that in this time of Advent that I will be wholly with Him for 48 hours. Thanks be to God.

OK, a bit more than a twitter feed....God's great blessings to YOU this season of gratefuleness as we remember the greatest gift, a Babe born in a manger.