Pride Month, my thoughts, my people.
Wikipedia: The month of June was chosen for LGBT Pride Month to commemorate the Stonewall riots, which occurred at the end of June 1969. As a result, many pride events are held during this month to recognize the impact LGBT people have had in the world.
Over the course of the last month, I have read lots of stories of people who are affirming their LGBTQ+ friends and family members. I think it is super helpful to read other people's journeys and see if they might have a point of view that might help us see the world outside of our own rose-colored glasses.
I don't know if anyone wants my thoughts on this, but I thought it would be helpful to write down,... my journey, my failings towards people I love, my failings towards myself, my journey to my own understanding and where it is today.
My upbringing was pretty typically conservative in religious teachings. I was taught that God says to love all people, but not their sin? What the heck does that mean? While that verbiage might mean... all sins, that term was used mainly for people who were practicing alternative lifestyles...people who were gay. It was like there was something a bit off about people who identified as gay....like they were making choices that weren't quite right, love them but don't let them think you agree with their lifestyle...God forbid you take a LGBTQ person for who they are and not be the 500th person who has hit them ever so kindly (or not so) with the scriptures (as we were taught to understand them) that speak on this subject.
I heard people who would talk about how being gay was a choice. I wasn't gay. How would I know?
Then, God.
I was at church one day and someone I knew as an acquaintance was on the prayer list. His mom went to our church. I was a young mom, early 30's, had 3 young kids, toddling or pre-schooling around my feet. I read Carey's name on the prayer list and that he was in the hospital. I felt so clearly I needed to go visit him. I would say as a child of God that it was the Holy Spirit that put this firmly on my heart. I remember telling my husband that I was going to run by the hospital that afternoon to see Carey.
(random google pic, I wish I had a picture of Carey)
We traded pleasantries, I asked how he was feeling, he answered. He thought he would be out of the hospital in the next week or so...Carey had AIDS. I knew this going in. He knew that I probably knew because I was church friends with his mom. Carey was in his early 30's as well, we were about the same age. He was raised in a super conservative Christian household.
That inner prompting was pushing me to share a bit of my past with him just so he wouldn't think I was a holier than thou church lady who felt like I had it all together. So for the next bit of time, I told him about all the drinking, drugs, cuh-razy wild, and cuh-razy fun I had in my late teens and early 20's, we laughed and compared drinking stories... During the time of our conversation, he started to feel more comfortable. He started sharing some of his fears with me. He shared pieces of his life with me, and I shared pieces of my life with him. We became fast friends. Over the next several years I got to hear stories about how Carey knew he was gay from a young age, during high school he dated girls because that was the socially acceptable thing to do. He had girlfriends, but it all felt like he was living a lie. At some point he lived his true self, he didn't want to pretend to like females as love interests anymore, he liked males. When Carey was diagnosed with AIDS he was in a monogamous relationship and I got to know his boyfriend too. Over the course of these years, I loved being Carey's friend. He asked me to pray over him as he was in his hospice bed, I held his hand, told him I loved him, kissed his cheek, and left his family to be with him. By the time I made it home 20 minutes later Carey had died. I felt SO much love for Carey. Love, I don't even think I was capable of, it was God's love.
Fast forward a couple more years and I am walking through the halls of my church and I am uncomfortable with some conversations that are happening around me. Nothing specific, but just off the cuff references to the LGBTQ population. I had so much unrest in me, I wanted to as Christians say, "Be Jesus" to those around me, but I also didn't want to disregard what I had been taught and the "gay bashing" let's call it what it is, was making me physically uncomfortable and ill and I didn't know how to reconcile the two. But what was my place in this? How could I learn more and be a part of conversations which would be educated, thoughtful, not just spewing hate, even if it was in the guise of scripture?
I ran across the organization, Centerpeace, in town. I was able to attend some conferences, learn more from other people, be involved in some educational experiences. I listened. I listened. I prayed. I listened. I listened. I sought to understand and I listened...and I prayed. Most, if not all, the people who are involved in Centerpeace, if they are gay, came from a religious upbringing. Many of these people cried their eyes out because they prayed that God would take away their feelings for people of the same sex. These are people who walked around in shame their whole lives because they heard all the ugly things said about "the gays" from the people around them at church, their religious friends and family members. If they could have changed they would have, because during those young ages, who doesn't want to fit in and be like everyone else?
---
I once heard the categorization of people having different views on someone being gay...
Some people think of it like a cold...just pray, read your bible (this is the medicine) then it will go away.
Some people think of it as a life-long diagnosis...let's manage this, you might always be gay, but you can be celibate. (i.e. causing the person to think: there is something wrong with me, my feelings, I am not quite right and can't live a sexual life like other people).
Some people think of it like the color of your eyes you were born with...this is the way you were created. Some people have blue eyes, some people have brown eyes, some people have green eyes...each person was created uniquely by God to be who they are.
I am embarrassed to say that I have had all of those views in my lifetime. It was easy to believe one and two,..because that's what the church people around me talked about. It didn't cause me to be uncomfortable with the people I was around most of the time. But when I saw the damage that was happening to the LGBTQ people around me, or people I heard about, who were trying to fit themselves in the first two views, there was destruction. There were slit wrists because their prayers weren't answered, they just wanted to be like "everyone" else. There were affairs because they married the culturally accepted "right" sex, but their desires were for persons of their same sex, after decades of living a lie, marriages blew up, families were torn apart, a bottle of pills taken because they couldn't live a lie anymore.
My belief now....I believe just like we are created with our green, blue or brown eyes, God has created us to love people who we love. Yes, life circumstances might play into that for some, overbearing fathers, sexual abuse,...who wouldn't want something else than someone who hurt them?
But for the most part, in my life, the people who I know who identify as gay were raised in families that didn't have the life circumstances listed. They were just families. Some families have pushed their gay kids away, some have worked through their "ideas" for their children through lots of communication, prayer and seeking to understand with hearts who desire for their family to be supportive of each other, even through some growing pains. I am sure there are families who have said, be true to yourself no matter who you are from the beginning, I haven't known any of those, but I know they are out there.
So who am I now? I am still on my journey!
I am who God created me to be. Someone who doesn't think they have it all right (or have to have it all right), I am someone who not only affirms the people around me, I believe they were created to love who they love, I seek to understand, lead with compassion, I support other people who are on their own journeys. I hope that no one ever thinks they have to pretend to be anything they are not when they are around me. I believe with all of my heart that my LGBTQ friends are not broken, they are creations of God. I love them so very much.
I believe God gives us lots of chances in life to show his love to people, he has created each of us in our own unique ways. Because we are each unique sometimes it is difficult to understand other's, I think that is where the hard work begins of loving all the children of God. Not just the ones who look like us, who act like us, who love like us. Each of us brings such gifts to our world.
As a white, straight female, I will stand up for those who are pushed to the edges of society. Because I can. For a year, I helped with some Centerpeace support groups, and someone asked me if I was afraid people would think I was gay. I thought about it for a minute and said...no, I don't care at all. My life wasn't in jeopardy because of a homophobic bully, I wasn't put in a culture that made me feel like I should be shameful because of who I loved, the risks are not as great for me. Do I risk people at church talking about me behind my back, yes! Do I risk having someone leave a mean note on my facebook post, yes. Do I risk being ostracised...yes. But I am good with that and I am good with God and that to me is what matters most to me.
I will speak for my LGBTQ friends, I am not perfect, I won't ever be. But I will ask God to allow me to have His eyes to see people with His love. They will know you are Christians by your love.
Comments