Survivor

Jack walked the first lap in the Relay For Life Cancer Fundraiser on Friday night. He looked very cute in his survivor sash. Rob and his mom Elaine took Jack and as caregivers they were able to walk with him. Jack had a blast, little Grace from chemo was also there. I think they were the only 2 little kids walking, I am sure that they had fun.
When the nurses had originally told me about this and asked us if we would participate I said to them, we have not survived it yet, and they said as long as you were living you were a survivor even if you had not completed your treatment or were in remission yet. Jack was thrilled to participate.
You will notice that Jack decided to cut his hair short again. I think it looks better kept short, it is so thin and growing in with some real funky hair patterns, I am glad he thought it best to go ahead and get it cut. Before chemo he had thick beautiful hair and I can remember how it felt to run my fingers through it.

Sarah sent me this scripture today, I had it on my sticky notes on my computer screen already, I have found much reassurance through this verse.

Blessed are those who trust in the Lord. They are like a tree planted along a riverbank with roots that reach deep into the water. Such trees are not bothered by the heat or worried by long months of drought. Their leaves stay green and they go right on producing delicious fruit. Jeremiah 17:7-8.

Scripture has blessed me so much. To have divine words to ponder or meditate on, hold on to, and even pray with, is such a blessing. I was thinking today of when Jack and Sophie were just 2 weeks old and both contracted RSV. Both came as close to dying as they could. Sophie coded and quit breathing, Jack was just as sick. I remember my feelings during that time and I was so afraid. I was a Sunday christian, actually I was a Sunday morning, Sunday night and Wednesday night, christian, but there was no relationship with the Lord. He was a front porch visitor, I definately was a believer, I was grateful for the mercy poured out on me, but I had not studied the Bible enough to really have a grasp of how to walk through trauma with the steadfastness of the Rock guiding your way. So many times I felt desperate, lost, panic stricken, I had built my house on the sand and as there were no roots formed I was washed out to sea.
Now here I am 7 years later and have since spent some time in scripture, writing out scriptures, trying my best for this old brain to memorize some, and just relying on it to guide my path. When I was a little girl I remember the preacher at my church saying that the Bible was a guide to life. I was so confused throughout my late teens and early 20's, I just didn't have all the answers and it was apparent in my life and how I was living, but I didn't know where to go for them. Once I started to participate in in-depth Bible study, about 5 years ago, it seemed to break down this big book and I started seeing the guide to life that the preacher had told me about. Being a Christian is more than just living right, and following the rules, it is more about walking with God in the cool of the day, drinking in scripture. I desire more for myself than to be a "pharisee" who knows all the rules, follows them, and makes sure everyone else knows them too. I just want to be a follower of Jesus. A vessell where His mercy and grace in my life is apparent, someone who can find joy in the bleakest of circumstances because I know that in the long months of drought my leaves will stay green and can even produce delicious fruit. With God you don't just survive like Jack's sash said, you can be joyful in the dark, you can give a smile in your grief, you can bless and be blessed. Thanks to the Living Water that verse talks about.
I am forever grateful for the Almighty God.
Blessings, Tammy