Prayer of Faith or Fear?

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Wednesday Night (5/3) 10 pm news on the CBS News Affiliate KTAB watch for Jack's story as part of the Medical Miracles series during the month of May
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This is the conversation that has been going on in my head for the last 9 months.
Picture me praying, wherever I am at the time, at church, at home, in my car, sitting next to Jack at chemo, in a doctors office, next to the MRI machine with Jack inside.....

Good Angel - Bad Angel Dialogue

Good Angel - played by the Holy Spirit
Bad Angel - played by the Devil

Good Angel - Pray!
Bad Angel - Don't waste your time!
Good Angel - God says to bring all your concerns to Him in prayer...
Bad Angel - You can pray about it, but nothing will change...God has already decided.
Good Angel - God loves you, pray to Him, God loves Jack more than you do, God says to keep praying.
Bad Angel - Didn't you hear what I just said...praying specifically for Jack to be healed is a waste of time, you are going to set yourself up for a big fall if you pray for something that does not happen. Just pray a prayer that wont get your feelings engaged. Don't hope for something that might not happen. Your heart can't take being broken into a million pieces, so keep your expectations low. Don't trust God with your heart in prayer.
Good Angel - Keep trusting God, ask for God to bless your family, ask God to give Jack complete health, pray bold words, pray for God to transform your heart and lay your feelings bare and open your tender heart to God.
Bad Angel - The last time you did that, Jack's tumors grew, he has to have that poison pumped into his veins every week, you know God could have prevented that...your prayers don't matter, a bunch of other people are praying for Jack to be healed you don't need to pray, the Holy Spirit interceeds your prayers - so it really doesn't matter what words you use.



Tammy's Prayer of Fear
Then this is the prayer that I have uttered hundreds of times since I started listening to the bad angel....Father God, thank you for the blessings of each day. Thank you for my family, thank you for Jesus.....Father I pray Your will be done in our lives, if it is Your will that Jack is healed Your will be done, please give our family what we need to have your glory be seen in our lives through it all.....
In Jesus name,
Amen

Is that a bad prayer? I would say no, if it wasn't prayed by someone who was afraid to ask for more, or afraid to put her feelings into God's hands.

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer
and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to God."
Philippians 4:6

For much of the last year I have been very confused in prayer. I have let satan wedge his way in through a door that was just cracked enough because of my fear. That hateful, evil roaring lion who roams around waiting for an opportune time to pounce can spread seeds of doubt and fear to take over a heart who claims the Lord as their King.

Micah 7:8 says
Do not gloat over me, my enemy! Though I have fallen, I will rise, though I sit in darkness the Lord will be my light.

So for months I have been called by the Holy Spirit to not let fear of what might happen in the future with Jack affect my trust in God. God has called me to a prayer life that is unlike anything I know right now. I only can utter the same words that were said by the disciples, Lord, teach me to pray. (Luke 11:1)

From: "The Celebrations of Discipline," by Richard Foster
In our efforts to pray it is easy for us to be defeated right at the outset because we have been taught that everything in the universe is already set, and so things cannot be changed. And if things cannot be changed, why pray? We may gloomily feel this way, but the Bible does not teach that. The Bible pray-ers prayed as if their prayers could and would make an objective difference. The apostle Paul gladly announces that we are "co-laborers with God"; that is, we are working with God to determine the outcome of events (1 Cor. 3:9) It is stoicism that demands a closed universe not the Bible.

From: "With Christ In The School Of Prayer," by Andrew Murray
May a deep sense of my ignorance, of the wonderful privilege and power of prayer, of the need of the Holy Spirit as the Spirit of prayer lead me to cast away my thoughts of what I think I know and make me kneel before Thee in true teachableness and poverty of spirit. And fill me, Lord, with the confidence that with such a teacher as Thou art I shall learn to pray......And when I may not know, Thou wilt teach me to be strong in faith, giving glory to God....Amen.

I am confidant that upon my confession of allowing fear to guide my prayer life that God will through His grace and mercy, teach me to pray, through the power of His Holy Spirit, the example of Jesus' prayers in the Bible, and also the gifted writers like Mr. Foster and Mr. Murray.

Be bold in your prayers for Jack and for me too.
Tammy