July 10, 2009

Blessed are those who don't fall away on account of Me.

I just finished my homework for this weeks bible study. Our ladies are in the study Anointed, Transformed and Redeemed, A Study of David, with Beth Moore, Priscilla Shirer and Kay Arthur. It is just a very rich study. There are so many parts of this study, especially the two sessions with Beth that just take my breath away. Today is the second video with Beth and I can't wait for all the ladies to see it.

In our last class we had together I just almost couldn't pull words together to end the class. I had intended to pray over needs that the video discussion brought up, but I just had tears and no breath. Today I will do better with that. This couple of weeks is addressing when we go through suffering, it can lead us to believe that God has betrayed us. Our faith can be devastated because of the events that have happened. This is such a tender subject to me. Tender because I worked through this very issue with God just a short time ago through Jack's diagnosis, and tender because my heart aches for people around me who are dealing with this very issue right now. Our choice to allow anger with God to have the last word on our tongues and in our hearts is so destructive and certainly plays into Satan's wishes for us.

As I was working through this devestation with God a couple of years ago, He opened my eyes to a verse in Matthew. It was a verse that shone a new light on my anger with God. Beth speaks of it in this study, and I can barely read the words without my heart welling up because I remember my feelings so well from that time. "Blessed is the man who does not fall away on account of me!" Luke 7:23. Before Jack's illness I had probably read over that verse and it never spoke to me, I really just didn't get it, I had no reason to really. God was a redeeming God that brought me from a pit so dark I couldn't see my hands in front of my face. He had never really offended me before, I was a product of my bad decisions in life. Nothing bad that had happened to me before could be blamed on anyone but myself. Take that enamored and highly glossed over view of a God who saves, then add into that a God who allows your 6 year old to have a baseball size brain tumor and there is definately some refiguring of assumptions that went on in my head. It took me many months to reconcile that my Great Redeemer could also allow events that are heartbreaking, partially because we are not in heaven yet, and His plan for us is so different than that for ourselves. When I read Luke 7:23 it was like a light came on, we will have opportunities that we can walk away because of what God allows in our lives, and He knows it. Blessed is the man who doesn't.

The blessings have poured forth in my life since I have reconciled the struggle of "If God is good, then how come..." God poured blessings of faithfulness and boldness into my spirit, more than I can ever imagine. My heart is tender for Him, more than it ever has been. My love and longing for the Lord just brings tears to my eyes. I am blessed because I allowed God to pour Himself into my life when I was broken and hurting, if I would have walked away, where would I have gone? To the darkness again? If I had stayed angry and gone to church, sang the songs, sat silently in my anger, where would I be? I would be bitter and each day my heart would turn a bit more black. I would not have a life of joy.

I am glad I did not walk away from God because He did not behave the way I expected Him to. For He is the I AM and I am His.


mad4books said...

I always come away from your site with something...ALWAYS! A photography tip, encouragement, a Bible verse, a book or movie recommendation...something. Always.

Like today. Thank you for sharing yourself with the world, for sharing your faith with other moms who gain strength from your story! God bless your family.

Leah said...

Amen I needed to hear that today

Anonymous said...

Thank you for your precious testimony, which touches more hearts than you will ever know.


Sharon Winkler