August 17, 2007

Stop in His Name of Love.

Friday morning. Our in town vacation was a complete success. We stayed two nights at a local hotel and we swam, played pool, played ping pong, sat around and visited, watched a couple of movies, and we relaxed. 2 days of relaxation and fun. it was a breath of fresh air for me, much needed down time.

I started and finished a book called Leaving Church, a memoir of faith, by Barbara Brown Taylor. I had forgotten my highlighter at home so I am re-reading it again to highlight the parts I loved most. It is a well written, thought provoking book. I loved this book.

Abilene is currently under a boil your water order. I knew something was up with the water in Abilene when for the last four or five days I had seen many water hydrants wide open flooding surrounding areas. The first one I saw I thought, oh no, I wonder if the fire dept. knows that someone has taken the cap off the hydrant, by the third I saw I realized that it was flushing water out of our water system, wondering why. Now I know.

I am excited about where God is leading my heart. I have been lamentful this summer, I might be tempted to use the word depressed if I was labeling from the clinical view. I have seen Jack go from joyful to withdrawn in the last several months, and as much as I am hoping and praying that once he is off steroids and they work their way out of his system his old personality will find it's way back to the surface, I just miss my kid. I miss his laugh, I miss his movie quotes and silliness, I miss the amazing sparkle in his eyes.
God is calling me to Him, He is calling me to a level of sacrifice that I have not ever been desperate enough to embrace. To be still. I find myself longing to be in God's presence, alone, in quiet, just waiting to feel His grace and peace. Summertime has kept me hoppin' and peace and quiet have not come naturally. GOD, is telling my heart that I must make time for Him. Purposeful time, sacrificial time. I don't know about you, but being still and quiet makes me want to go running and screaming into the night. It doesn't feel comfortable at first, it is like a million first dates wrapped up into one, wondering what to say, when to be quiet and listen all while wearing clothes that are itching your skin. I can easily find "other" things to do without telling God "no", just "later". I can not only find God in quiet, I can find Him everywhere, but maybe He can only find me, the open hearted me, the heart that is ready to listen, the will that is ready to bend to His will when I am quiet. Wearing quiet is not easy, I would rather put on what is comfortable - busyness.
In the Old Testament when Moses was given the 10 Commandments one of those commandments I have discarded. When Jesus came He gave us freedom from sin, the many rules that Old Testament Jews kept from God's Laws. I still know not to kill, steal, commit adultery, but the Sabbath has been discarded for me and many. I think God gave us Sabbath to be one with Him and be filled by Him, and worship Him. What has happened to me because I have not kept Sabbath in my life? My tank is never full, I am stopping for little hits of God but never stopping long enough to be filled. It would be like putting one dollar of gas in my tank and being fretful hoping I could get to the next gas station before I completely run out. There is no peace. These are just thoughts that I have thought through, I have NO answers, but God does and if I will just give Him some time He might fill me with that glorious grace, mercy and peace that I want and need so badly. God is telling me to stop in His Name of Love.

5 comments:

Denise W said...

I know one lady that for years has kept the Sabbath (Sunday) for a quiet, peaceful family time. There are no answered phones, no baby showers to go to, no work. I thought often since then how wonderful that might be...

Melene said...

How do you think the restaurants are handling this boil water notice-like all the ice they had ready to use?

Although my situation is different from yours, I too am too tense to let myself totally focus on what God is telling me concerning my oldest daughter and the first year of Jr. High starting for her soon. She has Selective Mutism and this could be the hardest year yet for her-OR-it could be the year she brakes free from the anxiety that has been holing her back. Anyway, I so appreciate your honesty and we are praying for you and Jack and your family. Maybe we'll see you at Meet the Teacher Night! My youngest will be in 3rd grade this year.

Jenni said...

Tammy, I met you once a couple of years ago and a mutual friend (Christy) set me up where I could read your blog. I can't tell you how many times your words, photography, and songs have touched our family, brought me to tears, and encouraged me in my walk with the Lord. He loves you...and I'm thankful for you.

Sarah said...

Sounds like the Lord is preparing you to talk about being a godly woman /business owner/ mother/ wife at a retreat this fall! Like, maybe, being a 21st century Proverbs 31 woman! ;-) Being still and knowing is always the hard part.

soul and culture said...

Tammy,

I loved Leaving Church. I think it was my favorite book that I read last year.

Favorite parts: p. 170 - part that talks about arriving at an understanding of faith that had far more to do with trust than certainty...

And pg. 175 - paragraph that talks about faith in God having both a center and an edge and that each is necessary.

Thanks for the recent blog comments. Denise says we are soul sisters! I've read enough of your story via your blog to know that our pasts have a common thread or two.

I appreciate the details of your updates on Jack - helps me know exactly how to pray for him/y'all.

warmly,
amy
amy.hiker@juno.com