Disco Ball Sadness

Saturday. Jack was invited to a birthday party today at the Skating Place. Since Jack's diagnosis 2 years ago I have not let him skate. It just doesn't seem logical to me to put someone with balance issues, a skull that has been fastened back together with screws from brain surgery, and a growing tumor in their head on roller skates and say, "Be careful out there." I have not budged on this issue a bit, until today. Jack's class is full of such sweet kids and they seem to really have a special bond. All week Jack has pleaded to go to this party, and I never gave him a hard "no," just a "we will see," and then this morning my afternoon was suddenly empty due to a couple of rescheduled appts. So I had no way out. I should have just said no from the beginning, but for some reason it seemed so important to him, so I waivered.
Today I told him that we could go, but that I would have to hold his hand as he was skating, and we would just go around a couple of times. He said that would be great and that he just wanted to go to "visit."
So we got there, he got some roller skates on and together we ventured out to the rink. Due to the rolling wheels on his feet he couldn't really even get his balance once. I was basically holding his arm and he was either straining to get back up to his feet, or headed down to the ground. We rounded the first corner and I we were both worn out. So we decided to take a break and sit on the edge. There was no way he was going to even be able to stay up for a millisecond, with or without my help. So I asked him if he thought we should just head back to the starting gate and take off those obnoxious skates and play some games while waiting for the cake and presents. He looked up at me with tears streaming down his cheeks, and that set me off, tears are now streaming down my cheeks. He wanted to skate, but just physically didn't have the balance necessary due to the tumor to pull it off. So there we are in the light of the disco ball sitting on the edge of the rink both crying. It was pitiful. Pitiful I tell you. I felt like a big goofball.
We did have a fun time playing games and he beat me playing air hockey, he won enough tickets to get a couple of prizes, ate some yummy scooby-doo chocolate cake, and then the mom starts passing out tickets to the bouncy house. Did I mention I don't really let him in bouncy houses? Well I don't really let him in bouncy houses. Since when is there a bouncy house in the skating rink? So things got a bit ugly again, and I just decided it was time to throw in the towel. We both left the skating rink with our heads down wishing we had never come. Actually I was wishing we had never come, Jack was just wishing I hadn't come. He is pretty sure I ruined his day. I should have ruined his day 3 days ago and said "No, I am sorry we are not going to the skating rink." Live and Learn.