July 01, 2008

Do you think God is good all the time?

God is good all the time. All the time God is good. One of our worship leaders used to say this from the pulpit each Sunday morning. One of my greatest struggles in my life has been really believing that God is good. Coming from a background of uncertainty and insecurity in my childhood and then growing into an age where I began to notice all of the pain in the world, then experiencing more tribulation with Jack's diagnosis, I could have said the words, God is good all the time, each Sunday when led to, in fact I did say them, but I really didn't believe them. In the deepest of my heart I might have believed God was good some of the time, but certainly not all of the time.

Now that didn't stop me from loving Him or pursuing Him with all of my heart. I knew that as questionable as "All the time" was with God, that I was completely lost without Him. I didn't understand Him, but I knew in my heart that someday maybe that grace would come and I could rest easy in the words God is good.

I walk through the hall often at church and people will ask me about Jack. Our church has 1800 members, so there are people that are concerned for Jack that I might not see for months at a time. So each Sunday I will walk through the halls going from point A. to point B. and almost always someone will check on Jack. I will tell them that he is healed. His tumor is gone, completely, and all praise goes to God for that. Sometimes, maybe a large percentage of the time, they will say God is so good.

And then in that same millisecond a flash of a little face of another child will run across my mind, then the picture of his mom who when I see her face in my mind is struggling just to breathe. Her son is on his last months maybe weeks on this earth. He will soon fall asleep in our world and wake up in Jesus' arms. For that child He will be where all things are complete in Jesus. He will be happy for eternity and will wait for the day that he will see His mom again, maybe timelessly for him, but those days will not be timeless for his mom.

I have finally been brought to a place in my relationship with Jesus where there is trust and belief, I praise Him for that, because it is not from myself but from God's Spirit in me. This time last summer I would call My Summer of Darkness. My faith and belief were a facade. I didn't want them to be but the enemy had pushed me in from every side with oppression and I was fading fast. I was sinking in depression. Then God showed me that it was my faith and belief that were weak, and I prayed for Him to increase both in a huge way. It is funny that at the time it seemed like day to day I couldn't feel changes, but looking back over a year I can see the clear hand of God in my life. I can see that He poured Himself into me like He had never done before. Not because He didn't want to, but because I had never asked. Ask and you shall receive. Anything that is in alignment with God's will, anything that will bring us closer in our relationship with Jesus, is there for us. We have a God who gave us freedom, and he will never force something down our throats that we don't ask for but He is waiting for us to look to Him for the answers not ourselves.

So this weekend someone asked me about Jack, they said "God is Good," I said "All praise goes to our heavenly Father," and the two faces again came into my mind and I know that even in the bleakest of circumstances God is good. How hard is it to follow a God you believe is good? It is the easiest thing I have ever done once I started asking for help.


Anne said...

I needed this today. Thanks.

Jan & Tom's Place said...

Thanks Tammy!

Brandi said...

Thank you!

Anna said...

I love reading your blog. You are so real, and so honest..which isn't an easy task, and something not many people are good at. What an awesome post, I loved every word. =)

CPACK said...

Thanks for your words Tammy. We need more people who have gone through pain tell their stories, even in the darkest of their days. It's great to hear your story because it is so authentic. We must be more understanding of those who doubt in the midst of incredible tragedy.