September 27, 2005

A Wonderfully Made Head


Today Jack told the nurse at school he was losing his hair. Nurse Huff and Jack have formed a sweet bond. Jack makes more than a couple of trips to her office a week, and sometimes day. Jack needs a Nurse Huff fix on a regular basis. I don't know if it is the refreshing coolness and quiet peacefullness of her office, the hugs she gives, or the special attention that he gets from her, but he is drawn to her office. Today I spoke with her and she commented that Jack said he was losing his hair. I had noticed quite a bit of thinning in the last 10 days, but didn't think he had noticed it. I asked him about his hair comment to Nurse Huff, and did he think he was really losing his hair? He said, "Yes mom, it falls out all over my papers at school and my clothes too." So I asked him if he wanted to go and get a good trim and then when it fell out he might not notice the hair so much because it would be shorter, and he said, "I want it all cut off, I want to be bald." After talking him through all the options of hair length he was stuck on the "no hair" decision he had made. I am not sure why he felt like it all had to go (I do know that I have read in some of my cancer/chemo books that it says some kids like to have that control over losing their hair rather than watching it fall out), it was looking like most would over the next while anyway, and he wanted it cut tonight. So we all went to the hair shop, and off it went. I wanted to plead with him, let's just keep it a little longer, maybe a little on top to spike up, he is skinny, pale and now bald. I wasn't planning on crying, hair grows back, it is not forever, it will grow out in a couple of weeks, but it tightened my chest, took my breath, and brought tears streaming down my cheeks. I think Jack looks awesome, what a sweet face, smile and lips, and as if his eyes didn't pop out of his head before they sure do now. Rob had his head shaved too, so Jack and his dad are twins. I am glad Rob is willing, able, and right by Jack's side to support him with matching haircuts.
The scar you see on Jack's chest is where the surgeon made the incision for the port where the needle for his chemo to go through.
Holy Father, thank you for Jack and his brave spirit. Thank you that he is such a blessing to me.
I will give thanks to You, for Jack is fearfully and wonderfully made; Wonderful are Your works, And my soul knows it very well. Psalm 139:14
In the name of Jesus, Amen

6 comments:

Sarah said...

Bald is very in, you know! He looks like a super hero. And you were very brave, too! :-)

Kendra said...

One Sunday in our class I counted 8 shaved heads! I think they shaved it for the same reason that Jack did - it was falling out anyway and this way they had control over it :).

Jack seems like a very bright child - emotionally and intellectually.

Anonymous said...

I can only imagine your sadness and tears as you saw all of Jack's head shaved (remember. . .I am the woman who cried over soggy eye-shadow on Monday), but how amazing to see his bald head after all of these years. You kissed his bald, new born head the first time you held him, and when you nursed or fed him, and when you put him to bed. Over the past 6 years or so, it's been all covered up, but now you get to take a tiny step back in time. :)

I am so glad you enjoyed the wedding, and thank you for taking time to pray for me and my clan as we "fled" the storm. :)

Roxanne

shellie said...

Tammy,
You continue to amaze and humble me. Your faith in God and your reliance on Him is shining through. I thank God for you and your example.

Tammy M. said...

The first thing I did after the hair dresser got done with him was kiss his head. And when I closed my eyes I saw that nursing baby holding onto my hand. I have kissed his head a dozen times since last night, have cuddled him holding on so tight remembering when he was an infant and his needs so much more basic. When our biggest obstacle was getting both twins fed a.s.a.p. I don't want to go back to infant twins, but just closing my eyes and remembering the baby smells, sounds, and innocence is a very warm sweet memory.

Anonymous said...

I think God made Jack wonderfully, and He can count the hair follicles on Jack's head just as well as He could count the hairs! What a blessing for you to share Jack with us!