October 16, 2006

It is hard to hit delete.

Ponderings. When Rob and I first married we each had our own address books. I am curious if most people when combining their households immediately combine their address books, or if each person keeps their own for a while, forever? I was all about combining our households when Rob and I got married, we immediately shared a bank account, what was mine was his and his mine. But the one thing I couldn't seem to combine was our address books. Names of people who were in our pasts that we would probably never talk to again, do you forward those to your new address book? Or do you just put in the names of people who are currently in your life? These questions plagued me into keeping separate address books for years. Then the largest obstacle is when someone who you are close to dies, do you erase their name, or in this case do you forward their name, just because that person should always have a place in your address book. Maybe under the address I could have written... heaven. Right before Rob and I married his grandpa died in an accident, I knew how much Rob admired and loved his grandpa and his death was hard on all who knew him. So for years when I would look through Rob's address book to get an address, I would see Grandpa and his Waukegan, Ill. address and phone number. I didn't even want to think about what to do with that name and address, so we continued our separate address books. Then my dad died, then my mom died. When do you delete a phone number off of your cell phone? Do you just do it matter of factly or do you go through the grieving process all over again. I was sitting at Derek's football practice last Thursday night, trying to pass some time and I was cleaning up the phone numbers of people who have moved away and their numbers weren't correct anymore. I scrolled down and saw "Nana." I thought about it for a moment, should I change the name on that number to Grandpa or just leave it because I am not ready to erase her from my phone book yet. I left her name.
Rob and I have in the last year combined address books, my mom, dad and Rob's grandpa's name are not in there any more. There are huge gaping holes that are present on the M, G, and Z pages. Once very loved and important people held the top lines, and now they have been filled with other very loved and important people in our families.
I know that the new address for these people are all in Gloryland. But the Texas, Arizona and Illinois landscapes are missing some special people. Even when there is a peace in their passing, it is just hard to hit delete.


Melene said...

I know just how you feel. I lost my Granny this past July and I just can't take her name out of my cell phone. And I am so glad I had saved an email she sent to my daughter shortly before she started getting worse. I'm sorry for your loss.

Julie Adams said...

I wrote a whole blog one time on this subject. I lost an acquaintance a few months ago and it was very weird for me to delete her e-mail address. It is always so weird because we feel as if we are deleting them from our lives... but in all reality we are just keeping with the times and moving forward.

I have also noticed the cell phone thing. My mother passed away when I was just up on the cell phone technology. I am pretty sure the name was Mom and Dad in my phone. When my Dad called to tell me Mom passed away, he called from his work cell phone -at the time it came up as Unidentified Caller. It was very weird... Then I changed the name to Adams so that would pop up when Dad called... but over the years I finally just wrote DAD in the blank... I think over time you just figure out what works best... There is no reason to keep the address alive or the phone number... it is all about the memory.