October 12, 2009

P*rn on your iphone/itouch/web access phone and my story.

2nd post today. Sometimes I don't have 2 posts in a week lately, but thought I needed to blog about an article I read on-line


I have an iphone, I do love my iphone, but I recognized very quickly that it is not really a child friendly phone. The fact that I can get any you tube video or have entire web access on it with a quick touch of a finger made me realize very quickly to tell my kids they are not allowed to just get on you tube and surf on my phone, just as the rule is with our home computer.

P*rn is everywhere, it is at each turn, it can be in our living rooms depending on what you can watch on your TV, it can be in our offices on our computers, it can be on our phones. As parents we have to be diligent about the safe guards that we intentionally put into place for our families.

Some of my friends think I am a bit overboard about what I wont watch, and what I wont let my kids watch, but I don't think I am. I know that everyone is different, and God's leading in our lives are not black and white and the same for every person. I know people who I respect and who have a great walk with the Lord who go to see R Rated movies. I know some people who wont let their kids watch a Disney movie, or for that matter any movies or any TV at all. Both of these groups have the right to choose, and both are doing what they think is right for them. No judgement there on either part. But for me God has set a line that is pretty clear, anything that gives me that sick feeling in my stomach when I watch it is off limits. If it is a television show then I turn it off or turn the channel, for me that is shows like Grey's, Desperate Housewives, all of which I watched the first season of, and didn't listen to the queasy feeling I got when I watched them, but after a season I knew that I was being disobedient and just didn't turn them on. For movies, I don't go see R movies unless I know for a fact that there is no nudity, limited language. Which means that I can pretty much not see R movies.

Over the last month God has brought back some vivid memories of when I was a little girl. Memories that were always there, but I never really saw a connection to some of the stuff that happened in my life. Some of the connections I made in my thinking of the opposite s*x. My earliest idea of what I wanted to be, look like, the power of s*x, came from p*rn*graphy. My dad was a regular reader of Pl*yb*y, and he had no real shame about it, his conscience was quite seared. He left his magazines around in his and my mom's room and then the stack was always under the cabinet in his bathroom. Those pictures affected me in ways that I didn't really understand at the time, I just knew that a woman's body was important, and that it was very important to be alluring in a s*xual way. Looking back I can see the multitudes of ways my being was based on those magazines.

I am sorry that my mom was disrespected in such a way, as to have to share her bedroom space with those magazines, she just accepted that from my dad, and she was worth so much more than that.

God is bringing back some creepy crud from my background because it is time for me to deal with it. I have spent a lot of time dealing with this with God's help in the last couple of weeks and thought I needed to share this. Why? For goodness sake you might wonder? Because just about every time The Coffee Group has travelled to speak and share our lives with women at Ladies Retreat's, even though this is not an area we touch on, wives will speak privately with us and have tears in their eyes because of their husband's p*rn habit. Each are living in a little quiet cell feeling like there is something wrong with them, they aren't good enough, they haven't done the right thing, and they are confused.

We are all living in little bubbles if we think it is not happening in great multitudes around us. We are also living in bubbles if we haven't talked to our boys (and girls) about the subject of guarding what your eyes see. We have to warn our kids that this crud can affect their entire lives and to be on guard and diligent in their awareness for that roaring lion who is walking back and forth trying to take the innocence of our kids away from them. Mine was taken from me in this area before I can even remember how old I was, I pray that I can help my kids and not hurt them in this area.

The most important thing is to start communicating with our children, talk about when s*x is good, talk about when it is bad. Keep that line of communication open as often as possible. Our kids are being inundated with so much junk at school, in fact the link above of Vicki Courtney's blog, tells the stories of iphones with p*rn being passed around on the school bus on the way to her kids Christian school. Get educated on this subject and start talking to your kids. Save your little girls and little boys from the lies and brokenness that comes from p*rn.

What resources are out there if p*rn is already affecting your life? Focus on the Family has some good info, but I believe that counseling, accountability, prayer and calling on pastoral help are probably the most result oriented ways to make changes. For someone who struggles with my weight, I can only think it is just as difficult for me to say no forever to junk food, as it is for someone who struggles with this habit. But God is available and if a man or woman is struggling with p*rn then they can over time with God's help take back control in this area. Go talk to your minister, elder, or a counselor to start. If you are a wife of someone who struggles with this, then Christian counseling will help you understand and not feel like it is all your fault. I believe that as in any area of our spouses lives that sometimes we are not the best accountability partners, and this would be one.

Shine the light on sin, no matter what it is will help. I know it is easy for me to say when it is an area that is not my struggle, but as someone who has struggled in so many other areas I can say with 100% of my heart, it wasn't until I told my story that I started being released from the power it had over me. I think it would be powerful for someone who had time and space between where they are now and from when it was a struggle that had hold of them to testify publicly at church to the darkness that came with this struggle and the healing power of God. For someone who has never voiced it and is currently struggling a more private and nurturing environment would be that place, with a minister, counselor, elder, trusted mentor.

Together through prayer, communication and God's leading we can help our kids become strong in their faith and not fall down this path. For those that struggle with this, stand up, take your life back and call on the Lord, then take the next step.

In great reverence, humility and love.


Tim Archer said...


Thank you so much for your transparency. It's easier to hide the less attractive parts of our lives, yet the Body is made stronger when a member dares to open up. I applaud your willingness to share this. May God use your story to help others to grow.

Grace and peace,
Tim Archer

Tammy M. said...

Thanks Tim. This is one of those blog posts that while I was typing I wasn't even sure what was going to come out next. God was giving me the words as fast as I could type. I am grateful that God has brought me to a place where pleasing Him and following His will is more important than staying in a safe bubble. God bless you.

Donna Ware said...

Well said Tammy!

Michelle said...

thanks for this post, tammy! as always, i appreciate you sharing yourself and your story in order to minister to others. it's a scary world our kids are growing up in, and we, like you and rob, need a game plan to protect our kid's minds and hearts (as well as our own!)

Leah said...

Glad God gave you the words. I am blessed by your courage. I pray God uses it to bless someone and enable someone to reach outside of their bubble. My grandfather's pl*boys that were always beside his chair in the living room really affected me too. :( We shouldn't have to be exposed to that.

Amber Joy said...

Once again, you've hit the nail on the head, Tammy. This is such a tender subject with me - not only as a wife, but as a big sister, a daughter, and now as a mother. Thank you for sharing. You've touched more than you know.