January 08, 2007

Unwritten Pages

Monday morning and the kids are back in school. I set my alarm clock wrong I guess and was woken up by the 1st bus that drives by our house in the morning at 6:44, woke the kiddo's up and they were ready for their bus about 13 minutes later. The kids were all excited to go back to school, I think we had a most wonderful Christmas break but it must end at some point.
Today my goals are to do laundry, clean, and exercise. Jack really wanted me to eat lunch with him at school, so I will. We are looking forward to next week on the 17th for Jack's MRI in Dallas.
There has been alot of posts on other blogs regarding New Years resolutions. I have enjoyed reading them, and have some personal goals for myself this year. Similar to most there is exercise, eating healthier, and being more organized.
The epiphany that has hit me over the last year has come in stages is a concept that I wish to make a part of my thinking all the time.
These are words or quotes that will explain a bit about it.
"Girls we need to meet our full potential." by Judy
"Those that succeed are not always the most talented but those who never give up trying." - Olympic athlete (loosely quoted)
"Don't ever let anyone tell you what you can or can't do, go for your dreams." - Will Smith in the Pursuit of Happyness
"I do all things through Christ who strengthens me." - the Bible
"If God is with us, who can be against us." - the Bible

I have come to the conclusion that I have put limits on myself over the last several decades, on what I think I should do, or what someone else wants me to do, probably most comes from a self esteem that was lacking before I found my worth in the Lord. I have quieted the voices telling me I am not good enough, that I need to prove myself to people over and over again, I have driven myself crazy in the past rethinking a perfectly normal conversation that I twist in my head and wish I would have responded differently, Satan was doing a good job of making me suffer especially at that time, doubt, insecurity, fear, embarassment.
Like I said above I have finally found my worth in the Lord, that started not when I decided to follow the Lord, but when I started filling my mind with the words of God on a regular basis. God's word is like medicine to the disease of insecurity. It is amazing the internal transformation to the voices in my head since I started reading and believing the words of blessing that God gives us through the Word.
This has been a concept that started coming to fruition for me after Jack got sick. The reality of a life ending prematurely had never hit me so clearly. Jack has taught me alot through these 2 years. Not only am I grateful for Jack and his life that thrives today, but it was the beginning of a wake up call for me.
I tell my friends, "I am going to be 40 in just 13 months," and then Denise will say, "What about 39, are you just going to skip it completely?", I am not dreading getting older, or turning 40. Naomi Judd is on the Today show right now talking about a book called How To Age Gratefully.
I do not know how long I will be walking on earth, when will the day come that I see Jesus face to face?
Each day that I continue to wake up I will be glad to be me, I will work hard to strive toward my potential, I will be grateful, I will be finding God's path for me and walk it.
What do I think that God wants from me? He wants me to love Him with all of my heart, mind, body and soul. He wants me to love my husband and make him feel loved, to love my children and raise them in the Lord, learning to lean on His truth, for me to nurture friendships that glorify Him, to reach out to people who do not know Him, and to work my photography business with excellence and continue learning. Everything I do, do for the Glory of the Lord.
There is nothing on that list above that is easy. Everything on that list takes work and commitment. You might think it is easy for me to put my life in God's control, no it is not always easy, I have just seen how dark it was without Him; or you might think, Tammy and Rob have a perfect marriage, how hard can it be to glorify God in that relationship, Rob and I are committed to our relationship, most of all we are committed to the Lord and his wishes for our relationship, so even when we have had struggles we know that if we do not honor God in this relationship, we will forever regret it, because God will bless us if we hold on to Him and each other; motherhood was harder for me when my kids were babies and toddlers, I am in the golden years right now, they are old enough to talk, fix their snacks, tidy up a bit, and tell me that they love me, I imagine things will get harder in their pre-teen and teenage years, so I am loving each moment right now; to reach out to people - with that comes with being vulnerable with your life and your heart - never easy, but with God's help, possible; and my photography business - my brain hurts from all the learning but I love my job - also a very personal vulnerability, because it is a creative job, there is no cut and dry when you are taking someone elses picture.
A song that I have heard many times but never listened to the words until this weekend will finish this post -
There are pages in the book of my life that are unwritten, how will I fill the page that starts today? I can't wait to read how it turns out. When God is with me, who can be against me?


Anna said...

Great post. I always enjoy your insights on life. =)

Denise W said...

Love you! Love the post! You encourage me to live in the moment!

judy said...

I am proud to call you sister and friend. Your light shines brightly for all to see. You get it!